Mile Marker One

I thought running would be a game I could manipulate. Believing that I could forge it into something that would work for me, opposed to listening to what it’s going to offer and, being grateful. A sport that began as an activity to deal with stress has shifted into creating more. Quite often, daily, I think about how I can make this professional. How I can be paid for the fruits of my labor as if the only way to do so, worthy of my satisfaction, is through monetary streams.

I’ve been running now for 4 years. I’ve done personal challenges, marathons, trail races, charity runs, and so much more. As I reflect on what has brought me the most joy, the kind worth repeating, comes down to being out in the middle of nowhere doing something hard for a greater purpose. It’s shutting off the world around me with a handful of the my few people, in service of others.

I’ve gotten away from that. I’ve looked for validation and personal success from people outside of me that frankly, don’t mean that much to me. As I write this, I’m reminded of how I approached the sport to begin with. It wasn’t about finding sponsors that could pay me nor seeking approval from elites in the sport. Granted those weren’t tangible opportunities but I digress. lt was just about dreaming big and seeing what I can do with what I had around me. There was this element of ‘I could do anything, what do I do?’ Not that I’ve lost that encouragement in my own potential and capability, but I haven’t felt as connected to my craft.

I guess the reason that I’m writing this and choosing to post it here is to outwardly say that, I’m just figuring this out as I go. In some ways it’s grown my understanding of who I can become and in others, I’m more lost than when I started. But I do know this. I’m recognizing that in order to get best out of me, it first must come from a deeper side of me.

That’s at mile marker one.